Shrieking into the Void
This is my own personal shriek into the void. No one asked for it. No one will ever read it. But truthfully, that is the soul of this whole endeavor.
I built my life how I was told. Do well in school. Get a good job. Try to leave the world a better place. I climbed from branch to branch, job to job, school to school, chasing some sort of validation of who I was. This was fulfilling for awhile, but a hole remained that I could not fill. Even as I landed a dream job, satisfaction eluded me. The global pandemic only made these feelings worse. Like many people, I felt like a pitcher waiting to be refilled. Instead of filtering fresh water, I was shaken for the last drops clinging to the plastic. Something had to change.
Quick side note: You could avoid all of the following strife if you just went to therapy.
For about as long as I could remember, I had pursued my professional goals with a dogged determination. I was sure that I could save the world as a medical device engineer, but disillusionment followed quick as my own shadow. Companies were more interested in slapping a touch screen on a device that hadn’t changed since the 80’s than actually improving patient outcomes. So like any good overly ambit6ious worker bee, I spent my free time developing my professional skills. I went back to school and landed that dream job I mentioned earlier. While the work was more rewarding and the atmosphere much improved, I still felt wrung out. I was achieving my dreams. Shouldn’t I finally be happy? After some time interrogating my heart, searching my soul, and some third idiom for effect, it was clear that I had wrapped too much of my identity in my professional success.
Another quick side note: You may be thinking, “Boohoo. A white man is crying about how he is unfulfilled. Go buy a convertible or something.” You would be right, but this is my personal shriek.
My creativity had been left dying on the vine while I focused on my career. I will save the stream of consciousness manifesto arriving at this conclusion for a pompous memoir. The rest of this screed will be me outlining my goals and interests for this pursuit. I can’t help envisioning young authors reading this years from now and saying to themselves, “And this idiot got published?”
Careful readers will note that I was both egotistical and self deprecating. But what is writing if not pure ego? The sheer arrogance to say “These words are so important they should be preserved far beyond my life in
claypaper1s and 0s on a server somewhere.”
The clues have been sprinkled through this piece with the care of a toddler decorating Christmas cookies, so I probably don’t need to say it. But I will say it anyway. I want to create and write about fiction in many forms. I want to be an author.
Goals
Nothing like a fresh heading to get back on track. The following are a few things that I am hoping to accomplish. People more talented than me have tried and failed at many of these tasks, but I’m not grading myself on completion. I grew up on videogames and don’t know how to have fun without set tasks to smash my head into.
Consistently Create
As far as I can tell, no one knows they are going to create a compelling piece of art. They just get to work and sometimes great things happen. The only way to find the muse is to keep showing up. The form of the writing will surely change. I want to push myself with different genres, styles, forms, etc. This site will also be my outlet for analyzing media that piques my interest.
Find a Compatible Writing Group
In almost everything, community is more powerful than individual efforts. The best way to improve is to find similarly minded people and save my girlfriend the painful task of providing feedback. (Although she has a great talent for editing.)
Publish a Short Story
This is pretty self explanatory. I guess I should include that “for free on this website” doesn’t count.
Complete a Full Novel Manuscript
Also pretty self explanatory. I have finished a few short stories, but novels will always be my first love. I want to see one through to completion, including a healthy self edit.
Find an Agent
I am not planning on pursuing self-publishing right now. I’m not trying to make this my primary career right now, but if opportunity knocks, I might answer. I am interested in getting some of my work published, and that means finding an agent who aligns with my interests and genre.
Publish a Novel
The holy grail. I don’t think this will be easy or even likely, but what is the point of life if not to dream.
If you made it this far, then I am genuinely stunned. Your time is the greatest gift you can give, and I am honored that you shared it with me. If my writing interests you, please sign up for my newsletter here.
I am always open to feedback and fiction recommendations. Please connect with me through any of the social links on the left side of the page.